10 Things Unhappy Couples Do That Can Lead to a Breakup or Divorce

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We’ve all seen them: unhappy couples. And some of us have been there: unhappy relationships. And as much as we try to avoid this unhappy (have we said it enough?) state of affairs, divorce is the fate of 25% to 50% of U.S. marriages (depending on age group and state).

In many cases breakups can be prevented, but not when couples fail to recognize or act on the red flags that pop up way before a relationship’s demise.

Here are 10 habits of unhappy couples that typically signal a relationship is heading for the rocks.

1. Take Each Other for Granted

You stop prioritizing each other’s needs and neglecting healthy relationship habits and rituals such as attention, affection and intimacy. Rather than spending quality time together, you regularly choose to hang out with other people.

2. Allow the Relationships to Become Stale

You’re no longer having new and memorable experiences with your partner. You have succumbed to daily routines and mundane life, and you’re bored with each other. The spark is gone.

3. Fail to Communicate

This is a big one, and we could stay on it all day. In a nutshell, unhealthy couples fail to communicate their experiences, ideas, feelings, fears, etc., in an effective way and do this (among other things) instead:

Not talk
Criticize
Stonewall
Debate
Invalidate
Disrespect
Disregard
Not apologize
Keep secrets

4. Argue Often

You’re arguing more often than not; you fight more than you get along. Unhappy couples habitually argue and bicker about little things, big things or everything. Instead of communicating, they fight and keep score. This leads to anger, bitterness and resentment.

5. Get on Each Other's Nerves

Your partner does many things that annoy you. Behaviors that you once found funny or endearing now bother you and lead to arguments.

6. Don't Spend Quality Time Together

You don’t go out on date nights, avoid time together and would rather spend time with friends, video games or your phone.

7. Don't Spend Quality Time Apart

Instead of pursuing your own interests and hobbies, which nurtures a healthy sense of self and identity outside the relationship, you fake passion for your partner’s interests and hobbies.

8. Are Passive Aggressive

You or your partner engage in passive aggressive behavior to communicate indirectly rather than openly. Passive aggression includes the silent treatment, eye rolling, sarcasm, denial, subtle digs or jabs, victim mentality, sabotage and sighing, pouting and sulking, among other behaviors.

9. Don't Have Physical Intimacy

You stop touching each other (holding hands, hugging, kissing) and/or having sex. Like date night, flirting and touching become a thing of the past.

10. Threaten a Breakup or Divorce

Unhappy couples frequently threaten their partners with a breakup or divorce. Once you use the “B” or “D” word, it’s impossible for the other person to unhear it, resulting in more strife and misery in the relationship.

If you recognize these warning signs, it may be time to address them. Nobody wants to be in an unhappy relationship, so chances are you didn’t end up there on purpose. You may need help, such as therapy, to get out of it by improving the situation or choosing to end it.

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Lucienne Gigante

Lucienne Gigante is a strategic communications, crisis management, and reputation management leader.

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