To many people, saying no is risky business. They struggle with feelings of guilt and fear upsetting others or not being liked if they say no. Yet, it must be done. Saying yes to other people typically means saying no to ourselves, and that’s no way to live.
Learning how to say no is an important skill in your personal and professional life. Your time and energy are the most valuable resources you have, so you must spend them wisely.
Why It's So Hard to Say No
People struggle to say no for many reasons. Here are the most common ones:
- As children, we’re taught to be polite and agreeable.
- Lack of self confidence to assert one’s needs.
- Afraid to disappoint others and cause conflict.
- Feeling empathy for others and wanting to help.
- A conscious or unconscious desire to please people.
When to Say No
There are a number of circumstances in which you should talk yourself into saying no:
- You would say yes only to please someone else.
- You would say yes because you feel guilty saying no.
Saying yes would prevent you from focusing on something more important to you. - The request does not align with your values, beliefs and goals.
- You’re already overloaded and about to burn out.
- Saying yes would not be healthy for you physically or mentally.
How to Say No
Following are five tips that will help you say no and mean it.
- Avoid offering explanations as to why you’re saying no–such as “I’m busy”–because doing so (a) sends the message that you owe an explanation ( you don’t) and (b) it encourages others to negotiate the terms of the favor and try to persuade you to say yes.
- Communicate your decision directly and clearly. Leave nothing open for interpretation.
- Be assertive but respectful. Not everyone who asks you to do something is trying to take advantage of you.
- Set boundaries. Change the topic or leave when someone tries to manipulate you into saying yes.
- Prioritize your needs and wants over other people’s needs and wants.
3 Easy Ways to Say No
Here are three simple ways of saying no firmly but politely:
- No. I’m sorry. I can’t.
- Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not able to.
- I wish I could, but that would not be healthy for me at the moment.
Knowing how to say no is a skill you need to master in order to honor your needs, goals, feelings and limitations and to manage your life effectively.
